Famous Last Words II
One of the things I like about role-playing is the spontaneity and the interactions between the players, the NPCs, and each other. We often end up in stitches as somebody says something really amusing, or really, really stupid. Here are a few of the quotes from the new games.
"I pick the ogres pockets!" (Piskie aka. John).
Piskie is reconnoitring the Slavelords temple and finds a secret
door (so successfully completes her mission) then spots two ogre
guards nearby and decides to pick their pockets! She fails and is
all but beaten into a bloody pulp by the ogres but manages to
escape with an ogre in hot pursuit. She hides successfully then
leaps out at the ogre as it passes his position (thus blowing her
cover) and again fails to backstab it and is really badly hurt
before escaping. Once bitten... twice bitten.
"I fire at the
priestess" (Brazen-
Dale)
Unfortunately he then rolls a 1 and fumbled (rolling an 85 on the
fumble table- hit friend, normal damage). The dwarven cleric is
hit and falls having taken 12hp damage, after all Brazen is a bow
specialist!
The Third Edition Campaign
In the Forge of Fury adventure the adventurers are wandering along near a stream when tentacles lash out at them..
"What is it?" cries Emma.
[DM shows the party a picture]. "Well, it looks like this."
"Cool,
a roper, I haven't seen one of them in ages!"
These turn out to be famous last words, For the creature strikes
the paladin and proceeds to draw her into its maw and eat her.
After the monster is (eventually) slain the others head back with
the remains, Emma's mother (a high level cleric) wasn't impressed!
"It seems the blades
we've found were made by an dwarven weapon-smith and others are
seeking the forge" says Emma.
"Who...
what forge...where?"
replies Phyphor.
"Us." Replies the rest of the
party in unison.
"Really?" says the incredulous mage.
"Where?"
"The
place with the swords,"
says Anton. "Dwarven runes, inscriptions, architecture,
big room with many dwarven sarcophagi...Does any of that ring a
bell?"
"You
mean..."
Emma and Anton just raise their eyes to the heavens.
The party are trying to coerce some Duergar into attacking them which the creatures fail to do so Phyphor decides to "write down every insult that I can manage to think of in five minutes," then reads the "trade document. " The infuriated dwarves attack.
Later, in the same
dungeon, three duergar enter the room where the by now badly
bruised and bleeding party are resting up and are in no condition
for a fight.
"I
challenge the leader to a dual," says Anton and is then almost killed
by the duergar warrior but with a bit of luck (and 2 hps) just
manages to win, mainly thanks to the others interceding on his
behalf just before he drops!
"What
the hell did you do that for?" the party asks him.
"It
seemed like a good idea at the time."
In the same dungeon (forge
of Fury again) They find an old library in which sits a beautiful
young woman in the most revealing of clothes. Emma detects evil
and gets a definite feeling of evil. However the woman has
already engaged them in conversation and asks if she can leave
the room, they refuse to let her so she charms Phyphor and asks
him to stay with her. The conversation goes something like this:
Phyphor (Dale): "Now let me get this right. You are, so hot
that you could fry eggs on your body and you want wimpy little,
bucktoothed, drooling, pimply-faced virgin , like myself?"
(Evil Woman) "Wel,l it's been awhile and I'm desperate...I'm
sure it will be fun."
Which is good enough for Phyphor.
The others drag him kicking and screaming out of the room and
gagged him. Hours later when they release him.
"I'm
going to kill you! My one chance to lose my virginity and you
guys ruin it for me!"
"But she was evil."
"So what, she was hot!"
"We attack the woman!" (the party in general).
The party are in the Forge of Fury and have decided (after having
dragged Phyphor out of the "woman's" clutches- see
above) to attack the evil woman who refuses to leave the library.
Unbeknown to them she is a succubi trapped in the room until
attacked by a character of good alignment. Needless to say the
attack revokes the conditions of her entrapment so the DM (me)
relates the following bit of adlibbed dialogue.
"Her
eyes literally flash with and anger. 'You dare attack me!, May
you rot in the bottommost layer of the abyss for your
impertinence, fools! I shall crush you mercilessly underfoot' she
hisses as bat-like wings emerge form her back..." [said in a booming voice].
"Cool,
but what does she really say?"
"You
want me to repeat it?"
Having enjoyed myself the first time I give them an instant
replay.
"You
mean she really said that?"
"Yep," I beam back at them.
"Oh
crap!"
The battle doesn't go
quite as she planned so she then casts darkness and leaves (as
the party have broken the conditions that kept her imprisoned in
the room). Unfortunately Curly, Emma and Anton are all caught in
the darkness and are fumbling round trying to fins the succubi,
the exit or each other...
"You
hear a noise to your left."
"I
attack!" replies
Emma.
Fortunately she missed her target, Anton!
"I'll kill the next thing we encounter!" boasts the usually cowardly Phyphor (to the DM) who can't help but laugh inside as he knows what lies ahead. At this point the party are trying to negotiate a way across a water filled cavern which is effect a huge whirl pool. On the far side is a ledge so using a fly spell Phyphor flies over, lands and starts hammering in a piton so they can attach a rope and then get across the chamber. He is soon fleeing for his life though after being reduced to 1hp by the shambling mound lurking in the shadows which surprised him! It almost killed him and probably would have if Phyphor had not got initiative the next round
Mark's character, Curly
Greenleaf has a character flaw that nobody else is aware of. He
is a timebomb waitng to explode as he has contracted lycanthopy.
Having taken a lot of damage from an opwlbear, he turns into a
wereboar and attacks the party (thus scaring the hell out of them!).
The boar nominates to charge the human fighter, Anton de Mail (John).
"Bring
it on Pork chops,"
is the fighters defiant reply.
A few moments earlier in
the same fight, the dwarven bard (Dale) is also being attacked by
the wereboar, he casts a minor image (of a plate of truffles)
which fails to do the trick. "Anyone got a sausage?" he then asks. I'm sure he's
confusing dogs and boars at this point.
First Edition: The Northlands (Again)
"I row across the lake" (Brazen.)
"I leap into the lake" (Serena & the armour encumbered Song Do!).
Brazen: "I take the potion
of flying."
"Why?"
"I
was born to fly."
"I fly after the
dragon" (Song Do).
He did so while carrying Serena and on about half hit points. The
dragon moved about 30" per round, they managed 6". It
got within breathe range and that was that.
After counting up the
dragon's horde and eagerly thinking of ways that he can spend his
share, Serena informs Garet that he isn't getting any treasure as
he was hired by her and the treasure belongs to her family!
Garet: "What do you mean I don't get any treasure?"
Serena: "You signed a contract, here is your reward,
600 gp."
"What!
Is that it..."
"Yep."
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This page was last updated on
Monday, 22 April 2002